Establishing Sakinah (Tranquil) Family

Title : “The foundation of the Sakinah Family: Independent Reading for Future Bride and Groom”

Author :  KUA’s Development Team & Sakinah Family of Ditjen Bimas Islam  of the Ministry of Religious Affairs of the Republic of Indonesia (Kemenag RI)

Publisher :  Sakinah Family Development Unit of KUA’s Development Directorate & Sakinah Family of Ditjen Bimas Islam of Kemenag RI 

Year of Publication : 2017

Book Dimension :  xii + 213 pages

                           230 mm x 155 mm

ISBN : 978 – 602 – 61267-0-2 

This book is an answer to the family problems in Indonesia, especially for those who are Muslim. This book is also a response to the increase in divorce and violence recently. The book contains the foundation and planning in establishing sakinah (tranquil) family, dynamics and solutions to marital problems, marriage advocacy until the procedure of registration and recording of marriage or ruju’ (order to return). In each subject are presented questions and simulations as well as discussion materials for the bride and groom. 

Establishing family in Islam is a means of maintaining human dignity and honor. It is a criticism of the practice of marriage in pre-Islamic Arabia. The presence of Islam at that time was to bring out new values to strengthen the family by underlining that marriage is a solemn covenant (mitssaqan ghalizhan), a command of decent relation (mu’asyarah bil ma’ruf), and the connection of piety and faith upon behavior in the family. In this book, a gender perspective is also used as a foothold in reading texts of the sources of Islamic law and fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence) in the context of the family on the basis of equality and justice that still becomes a problem up to the present. 

In the context of human status as a servant of Allah and His caliph, human has freedom and the character of servitude and obedience only to Allah Almighty. Gender relation necessitates close relationship and cooperation between the two; and piety becomes a measurement for the achievement of human dignity (At Taubah: 71). As a medium for interaction with devotion, the family is a means for enjoining good and forbidding evil (amar ma’ruf and nahi munkar). The family is the safest shelter for any problem of life and is not supposed to be a source and means of social problems. 

Marriage produces divine (ilahiyah) and human (Insaniyah) responsibility. The divine aspect is viewed from the presence of God Almighty in the realization of this relationship as a kind of worship (ubudiah) which is accountable in this world and hereafter. Mitsaqan Ghalizan is interpreted not only as solemn covenant of a married couple as strong as the covenant between Musa and his people, but also as strong as the agreement taken by Allah with His apostles. The understanding of this divine aspect in the marriage will minimize divorce rates yet it is lawful but most hated by Allah. Here, all stakeholders must be involved and responsible for the purpose of creating and maintaining marriage including the role of the state in it. 

The principles of marriage and family as stated in the Quran regarding the restrictions set by Allah (al-qiyamu bi hududillah) are being pleased each other (ridlo), good/proper (ma’ruf), trying to create a better condition (ihsan), discussion, and peace (ishlah). While the pillars of solid marriage consist of 4 elements; marriage is establishing partnership (zawaj), a strong bond, which is maintained through good attitudes and behaviors, and must be managed by deliberation. Those are the factors that could strengthen the marital bond and deepen the mutual understanding and affection and motivate the husband and wife to build a household according to the divine mandate towards the realization of a sakinah (tranquil), mawaddah (love) wa rahmah (affectionate) family. In the family, biological, educative, religious, protective, socialization, recreational, and economic functions must be able to work optimally as ideal family parameters. Based on the Decree of the Minister of Religion No. 3/1999, sakinah family is classified into five levels. The parameters of each level are based on the aspects of the quality of understanding and implementation of family’s religion, education, and decent living standards. 

The dynamics of marriage that come along with the words “Congratulations to take a new life” need to be interpreted as a change of responsibility from individual life to be the responsibility of living together in unity because, after marriage, the aspects of muamalah (transaction) and worship will emerge in marriage with various dynamics and forms. Whereas the factors that influence are emotional closeness, commitment, and passion that sometimes tends to change and not supposed to be rigid. Thus, these three factors will show a typology or marital condition that must always be maintained and fostered with communication pattern. This is also one of the factors in maintaining the three pillars above. 

A marriage which is understood as a part of worship activities to Allah Almighty will have an impact on the noble purpose of marriage. The material and immaterial needs will be fulfilled well if the strategy to fulfill the needs and to solve the problem is also good. Sufficient knowledge regarding the needs will lead to strengthening commitment so that the marriage bond will also be strong. 

In this book is also explained health in the family. How the behavior of healthy families is, both reproductive health and healthy life behavior and healthy community movements. To create a generation with the best quality, children’s education is very important that is by understanding early childhood, the principles of learning and educating children, the rights of children, the roles and responsibilities of the parents, parenting, and positive and effective communication. In this case, a strategy is needed to instill discipline, habituate positive characters, and how to deal with various challenges in certain situations. The resilience of families in facing current challenges is explained with descriptions of examples of risky marriage, threats of domestic violence, and how the role of formal institutions as service providers to the family. Therefore, the couple must recognize and use the law to protect their marriage and family, such as the laws that deal directly with family life, information and regulations that are beneficial to family life, regulations related to health services, education and other welfare as well as regulations that have an impact on family life. In addition, they must have the ability to manage family conflicts by understanding differences, sources of conflict, conflict management, bargaining, and negotiation as well as mediation. And, at the end of this book, a procedure for registering and recording marriage or ruju’ (order to return) is presented to give information for future brides and grooms. 

This book strives to answer the increasing number of disputes and divorces that have an impact on the decline in the quality of the nation’s young generation in the future and the impact of the problems of marriage for future social problems. Comprehensive understanding of the future bride and groom, marriage officials, and sakinah family stakeholders are expected to contribute to creating a quality generation in welcoming the 2030 demographic bonus. 

By looking at the extensive and profound discussion in this book, educated facilitators for future bride and groom are needed to be able to understand each other, share, and build mutual commitment in solving problems in the marriage. This is because the level of education and cultural heterogeneity of the couples are different. {} Ali Mujib 

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