By: Yulianti Muthmainnah

Marriage is a negosiation all the time. The two individuals which previously lives separately, become lives together to build a family. A marriage of course is a kind of worship, but in implementing it needs enough preparation in order to be mature and to prevent from unsteady. I am so grateful become a woman who married a man who want to be negotiated. About job,  to take care of the domestic matter, also to be responsible for the growth and development of our children.

In addition to that, if a husband or a father never involved in parenting, so he will loose the important moments of the golden age of the child development. For example, how a baby started to creep, to walk, or to pronounce one or two words. A moment that will be never repeated again, before the grow as adult.

I read in the newspapers, that during the pandemic COVID-19, the number of domestic violence is increasing. One of them because of the saturation, so that the quarrel happen among the spouse becuse of the family burden for taking care of the children along the day are givent directly to parents. This show that there are still some couples who don’t have capacity to share their roles, especially to share the tasks of the domestic matters.

Even though,  there are so many stories about the Prophet PBUH who also share the roles with his wife. As mentioned in  a hadith narrated by Aisha ra. , “He sews his clothes and repairs his sandals by himself.” (HR. Ahmad). There are also another hadith that narrated that Prophet Muhammad PBUH carried pickaback his grandsonds, even while he was praying. Rasulullah PBUH prayed while he was carrying pickaback his  grand daugther, Umamah binti  Zainab. When he wanted to kneel, so he put her off. Then when he stood up, he carried her pickaback again. (HR. Bukhori and Muslim).

If we are accustomed to implement the Prophet’s behaviour in the home, so to be lingering with our spouse, it will be no problems. If a conflict happen, what we should do is trying to solve the problems together, without blaming each other even though perpetrated violence.

I really feel the advantage of sharing the roles especially during Work from Home (WFH) in the time of pandemic COVID-19. All of us in the family share, support and strengthen each other. If  I was seen to be angry, then my husband will calm me  down, If my husband find some difficulties, so I want to lend my hand for help him. So the saturation during WFH is not felt anymore, because we utilize it to charge energy among each other in the family, between parents and children. {}

*) The Author is the Chair of  Center of Islam, Women and Development Studies of ITB Ahmad Dahlan Jakarta and member of Law and Women’s Rights Council of the Central Executive of Aisyiah

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