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Should All Done In The Name Of Love ? : Reflection of 41st Edition

Monday, 06 May 2013 8:00 Isthiqonita

The term “ domestic violence “ are widely known and understood by the public. However, the term “ dating violence “, besides it’s still hesitated by some circles of society, it is not widely highlighted either. Although dating violence actually is one of the violence form which is now often occurs.

The victims are mostly teenagers who often do not realize that they were the victims, even they often deny when they were considered as  “ victim “. Gender of the victims are generally female, but it does not rule out the possibility that teenage boys could also be the victims. Mostly, the teenage girl is till in dating with the known man who has bad behaviour that even bear to beat him with a variety of reasons. They precisely stated “ they did it for the reason of my kindness, and they are going to change their bad behaviour when they would become my husband.” Is that true ? Of course not, because ’ dating violence ‘ can be the first gateway to the early emergence of  ‘ domestic violence ‘.

The above phenomenon are some issues of the Dating Violence which is in various forms. Teenage boys often experienced economic violence, such as feeling ‘ must ‘ treats his beloved when they are eating in the restaurant or shopping. While teenage girls who love their beloved too much are often feel highly dependent on them. So, when the couples do violence ( either physical or psychic ) then showed remorse and promise not to repeat it anymore, with the gentle persuasion that usually make the victim yield. Soon she forgives her  beloved’s mistakes, hoping that he is really conscious and considered as if it had never occured. Then they will be back in dating and assume that everything will be fine as it was before. Though, this dating violence is such a hydrological cycle, will likely reoccur if there is no resolute attitude from the victim.

Teenage gilrs who often become the victims of violence do not dare or reluctant to tell the truth. Although to her parents, as well as to the authorities, by the reason of loving the perpetrators. Ironically, the victim girls thus often blamed and accused in participating triggered the acts of violence. It is just like saying,’ already fallen down and crushed by the the stairs ‘ anyway. Even they have already become the victims but they are still blamed. Meanwhile, the perpetrators ( who have become accustomed to violence ) continuously do the same things even if the victim does not do anything. The perpetrators only defend himself by throwing his guilty to the victims.

Still with “ the reasons of love ”, added by the gentle flattery and the boyfriend’s exorbitant promise, the couple willingly give anything to her beloved. Including of dating exaggerate, as much preaching about the teens who have dared to do sexual intercourse with her beloved. It gets worse after being the victim of perpetrator’s seduction, she will be abandoned soon. Therefore, the victim will suffer double effect. In addition to be considered expunging the family name, the community also turned to scorn her. She is also susceptible to have depression, self blaming, fear, feeling overshadowed by terror, feel embarrassed, feel sad, confused, anxious, not trusting herself and someone else, feeling guilty, even attempting to  suicide.

Therefore, do not blame the meaning of love. Love does not mean accepting all risks resulting in physical injury or psychological impact on behalf of one loved.

Let us love our body and ourselves as God has favored us to keep, not for submission to the  perpetrators who love on behalf of love by satisfying their selfishness.


The author is a student of Senior High School class II PP NurulHuda Cisurupan, Garut, West Java, Indonesia. The participant of Rahima Students Debate Program about the Diversity and Equality of the Islamic Review ( 2011-2012 )


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